It's Sunday. I'm at the university garden. Today is such a beautiful day. Without thinking, I decided I needed to come here and write. I slept through sacrament today and woke up with a bad headache. I managed to make it to Sunday school though. The lesson was on Christ and the true miracle that the atonement is. Sometimes I worry I don't use the atonement enough in my life. I don't depend on Christ as much as I should. Lately I've been spending a lot of time with a friend of mine. I've never been able to talk to someone so freely. Spending time with him has caused me to reflect on my life and how I'm pretending to know what I want. I want to be married to Matt. I do want that. I realize that I may be focusing too much energy on that though. What I really want is to live my life in such a way that I may, one bright and glorious day, be able to return my Father in Heaven and say, "Here is my life. I have tried with all of my heart, mind, and strength to do as you would have me do. I have struggled and desired to be who you want me to be." Slowly, I am realizing that the only thing I want is what God wants for me. I truly want to surrender my entire self to Him. That is such a peaceful feeling. God will take care of me. His plan for me is not even comparable to the plan I've tried to construct for myself. Thy will be done Father. Thy will be done. I need to slow down. Treasure these earthly moments that soon will be memories of my test. Cherish this time. Cherish my life. He will take care of me. Be still my soul.
Be Still My Soul
words by Katharina von Schlegel
Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.
Be still, my soul: The hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.