Tuesday, March 27, 2007


I wish I was living right. I wish I liked coming to work. I wish my room was cleaner. I wish my assignments were done. I wish I was more diligent in reading my scriptures. I wish I could get up in the morning. I'm not even tired. This morning the alarm went off and I just rolled over and set it for an hour later. Did I sleep during that hour? Perhaps a little, off and on. I mostly just laid in bed thinking. Worrying. Stressing. How am I to face the world today?

He's wonderful. He pretends not to care and then gushes and gushes. Oh he's wonderful. I can talk to him. I can talk to him. I am so blessed to have someone to just talk to. Someone who will tell me how full of crap I become. Gosh I don't want to lose that. I really hope I'm not pushing him away. Who would have ever thought I'd be the girl with issues? Not me, at least not in a million years. I hate being this girl. I hate catching myself from saying how I really feel, over and over and over, more and more often. I've put myself in this tiny cage. Tiny emotional cage. Sadly, I chose it. I wanted it. Oh what a pathetic person I've become. Not allowing myself to believe how much I love him is killing me. Today I might die.

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