Thursday, August 28, 2008

Seasons are changing

Lately it's been rainy. Cloudy and overcast with bits of scattered sunshine appearing every now and then. I love it when it's cloudy. I find it very soothing. Although it is still as hot as ever the seasons are indeed changing. I can't help but think about my life and the seasons I've seen thus far and the seasons I know will surely come. School is back. This is a season of my life I'm becoming somewhat tired of. I just wish I was finished already, or at least close to finishing. Sometimes I feel so helpless and hopeless. I get so down on myself. I'll never amount to anything close to an artist. And now there's this little mortgage in my name. Crazy, I don't feel old enough, experienced enough to be in this season. Where's my identity?

School is confusing. I listen intently to the lectures of my professors and I don't get it. How can the world be so confused. Why is the world such a confusing place? I can't understand the figures of our troubled history of man. I feel like I should understand more, be able to see more clearly and discerningly into the hearts and motives of men passed on before me. Why do we riot? How does a person's search for happiness and worth and goodness become so obsessive and perverse?

The seasons are indeed changing. I feel it in the cloudy air. Things will never be the same tomorrow. But then I think, when has tomorrow ever promised not to change? The world spins and spins. Millions of people will sleep, breathe, and wake up as confused as ever.

Oh a brighter note, my husband is fabulous. I don't want to get all cheesy or corny but he is truly wonderful. His smile, his laugh, his arms, his lips. He's my whole entire world. When I think of him I realize it doesn't really matter how confused everyone around us may become. He's enough. Life doesn't look so muddy.

I have this sudden and odd obsession with anything by the Beatles. "Blackbird fly..." I probably shouldn't be too surprised. I spent nearly of last semester in time warp. The Sixties is a time that really fascinates me. The more I learn the more questions I have. The longing to understand doubles. Maybe somethings aren't meant to fully understand. People worry me when they've convinced themselves that they've got it all figured out.

No comments: