I hope they call me on a mission

My little brother is being set apart as a missionary today. He's going to serve the people of Paraguay. I'm really gonna miss him. I know that he is going to be extremely blessed and will grow to amazing new heights. It will be hard not being able to see him for two years. I'm also excited for him. This is a huge step in his life. I'm so happy he's willing to serve the Lord. I can't wait to hear about all his stories and send him packages. I love him so much. I know he's going to make an awesome missionary. I guess I'm just writing this blog to try and comfort myself.

Summer of Love

I am so excited for the summer! Mostly because I won't be in school! I will admit that I have learned quite a bit this semester. I feel my photography has greatly improved with the technical aspects that I've been studying. Visual Culture is a daunting class. I have a 12 page paper due in a couple of weeks that I have yet to start writing. Tonight's the night I'll start!

This summer Nate and I will be living with his parents! Some of my friends are quite surprised that I'd even consider moving in with my in-laws. That's not a knock on them in any shape or form either. They're wonderful, loving people and I'm sure we are going to have a great summer. My friends just know how independent I think I am. Nate and I are having a house built! We are so so excited. It will hopefully (cross your fingers for us) be done by the end of the summer. In a week or two we'll be picking out colors with the builder's designer! So in preparation for my very own home, I will be starting a design notebook. This notebook will hold ideas, images, measurements, and general design information. I'm so excited!

I'm also looking forward to focus more closely on two things this summer: Nate and art. Nate and I will play a lot of tennis this summer, and that's exactly how things should be. We both love being active and outdoors, it's just so hard to find the time for it during the semester. Trips to White Sands and Cloudcroft are sure to be in store. I'm also looking forward to all the fun things (like shopping for furniture and appliances) that we'll get to do together in preparation for our home. I recently entered three of my digitally altered photographs into a silent art auction put on as a fundraiser for one of the colleges on campus. All three sold! I was quite surprised. I'm anxious to make more art, research more ways to show and sell it, and try to create some sort of website to publicise my work. Nate is also very excited for me. He's such a wonderful husband and friend. I'm so lucky he picked me.

"I've got my 45 on so I can rock on" -Soak Up the Sun Sheryl Crow

So in keeping with the design mood, here's some tips I've picked up from the Home and Garden Television Website.

Tips on how to design a great room:
1. Know what you want from a room
2. Remember who lives there
3. Learn what pleases your senses
4. Snag photos from design magazines and keep a notebook of ideas
5. Keep size in mind when buying furniture
6. Go with your flow, work with similar tones and themes
7. Focus on one great piece
8. Formulate a plan, keep key measurements and running shopping list to use for comparisons
9. Shop around, don't buy everything matching from the same store
10. Be fresh, not faddish, avoid trendy patterns on expensive pieces, choose neutral colors for large upholstered pieces (like your sofa)
11. Light it up, variety of lighting in every room
12. Make it personal, room should be a reflection of your style, buy original art work

God weeps

This semester I'm taking Visual Culture of the 1960's. In an attempt to understand the context of the visual culture we are studying the history, movements, and key figures of the decade. My heart is continually saddened as I read of the terrible events of injustice and hatred. My eyes swell with tears as I watch my brothers and sisters beaten and spit upon because of the color of their skin or the ideals they hold. I'm amazed that this country survived. Now I know that this country is not perfect, never has been, and I'll probably never live to see the day that is. As I dwell on the hatred and utter fear driven chaos of those times and similar times today, I feel so small. As I see corrupt and power hungry individuals pollute the ideals of hope and freedom tears fall freely down my cheeks. What have they done to my America? I am just one person, how can I change the world? How can I make a difference? The answer is sweet and simple, even abtainable. I will love. I will love my fellowman. I will love my family. I will love my children, and teach them that love and charity, the pure love of Christ, is our only chance at change. No government agency can offer that. I thank my dearest Heavenly Father that I was born to parents who love.

The Kitchen's a Mess

This Just In...
Wow, a whole year later and here I stand. Guess what? I got married! I married my AMF, Nathan. And life is wonderful. Being married is absolutely the greatest. No awkward situations with roommates. Someone to hold me every night. Someone to hold every night. Sleeping in is better than ever. I love who we are partners in everything. This is a fine romance. We got married on Jan. 4th in the Albuquerque Temple. It was the most beautiful experience of my life. I know that sounds rather cliche, but there's no other words. It was lovely. I've been adopted into a wonderful family. I have tons of nieces and nephews and they all are adorable! I can't wait till I can get to know them even more.

The Artist
Well I'm still chipping away at the degree. This semester I'm taking my first photography class, finally. Actually, I'm taking too. One from the Art dept. and another from the Jour. dept., both introductory classes. I'm really enjoying those. In the past few weeks I've felt really frustrated with the work I've been producing. I don't feel it's the best I can do. I feel guilty for not being able to devote as much time as I should be. Some days I feel downright talentless. I know I'm being too hard on myself, but I just want it so bad. Film processing and printing are sure fun though!

Scattered

I wish I was living right. I wish I liked coming to work. I wish my room was cleaner. I wish my assignments were done. I wish I was more diligent in reading my scriptures. I wish I could get up in the morning. I'm not even tired. This morning the alarm went off and I just rolled over and set it for an hour later. Did I sleep during that hour? Perhaps a little, off and on. I mostly just laid in bed thinking. Worrying. Stressing. How am I to face the world today?

He's wonderful. He pretends not to care and then gushes and gushes. Oh he's wonderful. I can talk to him. I can talk to him. I am so blessed to have someone to just talk to. Someone who will tell me how full of crap I become. Gosh I don't want to lose that. I really hope I'm not pushing him away. Who would have ever thought I'd be the girl with issues? Not me, at least not in a million years. I hate being this girl. I hate catching myself from saying how I really feel, over and over and over, more and more often. I've put myself in this tiny cage. Tiny emotional cage. Sadly, I chose it. I wanted it. Oh what a pathetic person I've become. Not allowing myself to believe how much I love him is killing me. Today I might die.

Clever Cover Story Awards

Oh spring break was marvelous, just heavenly... now it's back to the same old story. I feel so guilty for allowing myself to become so close to someone, someone else. The more and more I see this person the more thick this feeling becomes. Okay, so simply see less of him. Ahh. I don't want that either. Things have moved and continue to move too fast. How do I slow it down without bringing it all to a halt? Then I find myself asking, Do I really want to slow it down at all? Ah, I've turned into the cake girl. I want it all. I want everyone. Decisions, terrible, necessary decisions. Will they hold my scholarship? Will I have to stick around for a one more whole semester? Am I just running away or running towards something? What the heck is a "prospect" anyway? How on earth am I going to complete all my assignments this week? I just want to live.

Dream On

Lately I've been thinking a lot about self-worth. How do we determine our individual self-worth? What do we allow to effect us? What makes us feel like a useful and successful human being? What's makes me worth anything? Have we allowed our skin to become so thin and our minds so weak that we allow a photo from an advertisement to dictate our standard of beauty? Have we become so shallow and uncreative to base our ideals on the ideals of others? When did we stop evaluating our values of acceptance? Have we become so lazy as to stop actively seeking our true selves?